So, as you can see from my question, it would be great to have some feedback.
I started writing this about 3 weeks ago, and finished yesterday.
Here is a little bit about the storyline which you might need to know before you read the actual thing, though.
(Sorry if your time is limited and you feel that I am wasting it… I hope that if you are interested in it, but don’t have the time right now, that you will tell me- then i can post you the link to my Blig, and you can read it off there some other time
)
AURORA
Definition: A special ‘Power’ which occurs randomly in children, starting from age 5 onwards. Gets stronger with age, and usually lasts until person turns 18. Then they “Burst”. A Burst is a sudden surge of power, and 98 percent of the time, the person loses their power altogether after their Burst. The others retain them, though their powers wear them out when they use them, and they have their power for the rest of their lives. A person with a power is also called an Aurora.
IEOA
An Institute of Extra Ordinary Abilities or Auroras. A person will be “discovered” by an Aurora with Aurora-seeking abilities, and sent to the Institute. There, they are Partnered up with a person from the opposite sex by the Partner system, also known as the Buddy system. The Institute was founded by an Ex- Aurora whose power did not make it through the Burst. Its main objective is to find out why the Burst happens and what the people can do to retain their powers, and other questions concerning the Auroras.
The Institute is unknown to the public, to ensure the privacy of the Auroras. When a person first gets into the Institute, they are not to leave it for 20 months, so that by the end of it they will not think of exposing the others. An Aurora is found, and asked to go to the Institute- they go of their own free will. (Most are ecstatic at the prospect of meeting others like them.)
So, if you’ve already read so much of this question, I am assuming that you are interested in the book, I am proud to present to you the first part of my little book ,which I have named ‘Forever’.
" JAY
‘WHAT??!’ Brandon yelled, falling off the bed. I looked at his mind, and could “see” he was shocked and…hurt? The electric blue cloud of shock was tinged with streaks of orange hurt and there was a tiny blob of angry red, pulsating and getting larger.
‘What what? I’m going out with Rich. He asked me today, and I said yes.’ I repeated as I helped my best friend and Partner for 6 years up off the ground before hopping back onto his bed. ‘Why do you feel hurt?’ The blue was now wearing off, being replaced with the orange and a rapidly growing red.
‘Jay- you’re my best friend, and suddenly you tell me you’re going out with some guy you’ve known for, what, a few months? And you expect me not to be shocked?’ he did have a point there- Rich had only gotten into the Institute less than half a year ago.
‘But, Brandon, I can feel it. He really likes me- it’s genuine.’ The red dulled a bit, and we both laughed at the pun I had just made. Of course I could feel it- my special power was being able to detect the emotions of those around me. I saw different emotions as different colors- all I had to do was interpret. ‘Plus, I asked why you were hurt, not shocked.’
‘Because… well, because I never thought my little sis would just suddenly start dating some guy out of the blue.’ We weren’t actually biologically related, but we were very close, and many people mistook us for siblings or a couple when they first arrived.
‘Brandy, I’m not your little sister. Besides, it’s about time I got myself a boyfriend. You should consider getting into a real relationship, too.’ I knew about the other girls’ feelings towards him- most girls around our age cultivated a crush for him and jealousy for me, because I was his Partner and all. You had to be blind not to be drawn by his looks, and I was not just saying that because we were best friends. ‘Josephine and Marietta have had their eyes on you for a while now.’
‘Please.’ He snorted, the lime green of sarcasm threading through the now slightly less red cloud. ‘The girl who can’t feel temperature, and the one with flexible bones? Me?’ I gave him a pointed look, and the cloud turned into a pleasantly surprised baby blue, tinged with a little maroon of smug satisfaction.
‘You are so arrogant sometimes.’ I threw a pillow at him, referring to the maroon.
‘What? I can’t help that people find me attractive, Jay- Jay.’ The cloud turned an affectionate light pink during the last bit. My name had been different before I entered the school, but I preferred Jay- they were blue, my favorite color.
‘Whatever you say, Brandon.’ I tell him as I turn back to my book, “I’m Not Falling for You”.
‘But, why now? Why with Rich?’ he pressed, and I nearly told him the main reason- but, thankfully, stopped myself in time.
‘Because he is a really nice guy. Plus, in case you haven’t noticed, he is kind of rea
The idea of the special power is good..
Tags: Blig, Buddy System, Feedback, Limited, Little Bit, Love, Main Objective, Partner System, People, Power 98, Sudden Surge

7 responses to Will you read my short book? It’s my first time finishing a "project", and I would love some feedback?
WOW!!!!!!!!!!! i love your idea!!!!!!! please please carry on writing and finish the book!!!!!!!
ill be your editor if you want actually, send it to rockster_11@hotmail.co.uk
it a really good idea and you write really well. i cant wait to find out what happens next!
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That sounds good, are you going to post more somewhere?
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I didnt get past the first few senstances.
I have a question.
why are you giving us a vocab lesson?
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it’s quite interesting. I wish you would’ve written more. The beginning seems like a great start. I feel connected to Jay already. I really want to find out what happens next. I’d definitely read the whole book. I also feel that Brandon is either jealous or wants to protect Jay from a guy who’s been in the Institute for a short period of time. ‘Forever’ is a book in a genre that fascinates me the most, so thanks for putting it online.
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Great!!!!!!!!! Excellent idea–it has clear best-seller potential. Even with only your introduction as a basis of judgment, I would say that you are obviously a very good writer; the opening paragraph really draws the reader in. This is definitely one of the best pieces I’ve seen on Y!A. I was disappointed when the excerpt ended
Please, post a link or email me so I can read the rest of it (I’ll be happy to help with editing, feedback, etc.)
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Wow. That is amazing! I hope you finish this novel, because it will be awesome when it’s done! Do you think you’d want to publish it when you’re done?
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The idea of the special power is good..
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